Dr Smarty Pants
by rhdramaqueen88
Summary: House FINALLY gets Cuddy to go on a date with him. But, when House is put with a very rare patient, will he explode? Rated T for light swaring
1. Please?

Dr. Smarty Pants

Chapter One

Please?

"House, do you _have_ to be so annoying?" Cuddy complained. It was a nice Tuesday afternoon, and House was asking Cuddy if she wanted to go on a date after work.

"Cuddy, please. Just give me a chance. I could end up as your soul mate."

"House, what's the _real _reason?" Cuddy knew House was hiding something.

"Foreman and Chase bet $50 each that I couldn't get you to go out on a date with me. But that's only like, 99.9% of the reason why I'm asking you out right now." House said, grinning.

Cuddy looked into House's crystal blue eyes. They must have been pretty hypnotizing, because next, Cuddy said, "Fine House. After work you can drive me to a fancy restaurant. I'll be in my office."

"Please Cuddy… Wait, did you just say yes? Why? I thought you like, hate me!" House exclaimed suspiciously. "Well, us ladies at the office have our share of bets."

"Oh really. What did you guys bet?" House rolled his eyes.

"Well, Cameron and Thirteen bet me $50 each that you couldn't be a gentleman."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. When did you bet this? This is the only time I've ever asked you out…" House was genuinely curious now.

"We all knew you were going to ask me out _some_time." Cuddy said, grinning.

"Devil woman…" House grumbled as he walked out of Cuddy's office.

The next thing Cuddy knew, House was hobbling down the hallway yelling "Foreman! Chase! You guys owe me $50!"

Cuddy rolled her eyes and shut the door of her office.

*************************************************************

Later in the morning, House walked into Cuddy's office.

"Cuddy! Can I do a brain biopsy on my patient?" Cuddy rolled her eyes. House _always_ wanted a brain biopsy on his patient. House tossed Cuddy the file.

_Patient Name: Brian Thompson_

_Symptoms: Vision problems that have been present at birth, kidney problems, brain abnormalities that are associated with mental retardation, coughing, sneezing, mucus_

"Why do you need a brain biopsy? I can tell you right now what that disease is…" Cuddy smirked, knowing House had never thought of the disease she was about to mention. "Well, what is it, Dr. Smarty Pants?" Cuddy grinned. "It's 'Lowe Syndrome' Dr. Smart Ass." House smirked. "At least there's 'smart' in my name. You have 'smarty' which is nothing more than a candy. Anyways, yes, he has 'Lowe Syndrome'. Now that you mention it, all of the symptoms fit. But what about the sneezing, coughing, and mucus?" House wondered aloud.

"Ever think of a cold?"

"That's why they call you Dr. Smarty Pants." House said, hobbling out of Cuddy's office.

"Later Dr. Smart Ass!"

*****************************************************

"Foreman, start the patient on Rhinalar Nasal Mist, Temodar, and Ketorolac Eye Drops." House said, walking into the patient's room.

"Why are you giving him Ketorolac?" Foreman asked, confused.

"Because I want to see if we can get the patient to see better."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did I just hear House say to do something nice for someone else?" Thirteen said, walking into the room.

"Listen, don't get smart with me. I just want this kid to experience life. He's only 11, and his parents are freaked out by a cold, so he obviously doesn't get out enough. By the way, start the patient on Rhinalar Nasal Mist, Temodar, and Ketorolac Eye Drops." House said, before walking out of the room. "Call me if anything exciting happens!" He exclaimed.


	2. Start Breathing Already!

Dr. Smarty Pants

Chapter Two

Start Breathing Already!

"Cuddy… you look…like a doctor with a really hot date." House said, grinning.

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "House, I'm wearing the same thing I was this morning." She said.

House winked. "Well… you look…hot. But I look _way_ hotter."

"Oh yeah. Gimps are _way_ in right now." Cuddy said, winking back.

"Let's hit the road already…" House said.

Cuddy gasped. "Dr. House without a comeback line! Gasp!" House rolled his eyes.

They walked to the parking lot in silence. House kept eyeing the nurses. _All_ of them.

"House, can you at least pretend we're on a date?" House grinned.

"_Hello_. I'm trying to make you loose that bet."

"Well fine then. I won't pay you ¼ of the money I get." Cuddy said, grinning. She knew House couldn't resist money.

"Make it $30 and you've got yourself a deal."

"Fine," Cuddy said.

They finally got into the car.

"So, where are you taking me?" Cuddy said with a grin. "And you're paying…"

House gagged. "In your dreams." Cuddy coughed. "I mean… of course I'm paying Dr. Smarty Pants. That's what true gentlemen do."

It only took about 2 minutes to roll up to their 'romantic' dinner location.

"McDonalds?" Cuddy was shocked. House was rude, but not _this_ rude.

House scoffed. "Uh, I'm not that low. I was going through the drive-thru. What do you want?" Cuddy rolled her eyes.

"I'll have a Big Mac with no cheese please."

"Ew," House said. "No cheese? What are you…? A hippie?"

"No… I just dislike dairy products."

House grinned. "I know what you are." He said. Cuddy's cheeks burned. "You're lactose intolerant. Eating cheese or any other dairy product gives you gas." Cuddy was blushing too hard to think of a good comeback.

"Hello! Welcome to McDonalds! What would you like today?" A country voice said through the intercom.

"Um, yes, I'd like an order of chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs with a toy and a Big Mac with LOADS of cheese and two milks. That would be all."

"That will be $12.34. Please pull up to the next window. Thank you!"

House reluctantly pulled his car into the long line of other cars.

"House! You're such a jerk! I'm never giving you any amount of money!" Cuddy exclaimed.

House was about to say a smart-aleck remark, but he was already at the food/money line. "Here's your food." House exchanged the food for the money, and thanked the cashier. Then, he sped off.

*****************************************************************

"Where are you taking me?" Cuddy screeched. House was about to reply, but his cell phone rang.

"What do you want? You're interrupting a very romantic date!" House screamed into his phone.

"Nice try, House. You couldn't be romantic if your life depended on it. Anyways, the patient can't breathe!" A very pissed Cameron yelled. "Well, put a breathing tube down his throat until I can get time to figure out what the hell is wrong with him!" House hung up.

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Why do you have to be so rude and impolite?"

"_Uurrrp!_" House burped in response.

************************************************************

"We're here, malady." House said, opening Cuddy's car door for her.

"Where are we?" Cuddy questioned.

Just then, House's phone rang.

"Yo, dude. This is Gangster H's phone right now. Ya'll should know he's out. Peace, dawg." House really did not want to be interrupted right now. He started to shut the phone.

"Don't you dare shut that phone on me Gangster H! The patient is barely breathing, and now his father told him to pick up his book, and he missed the book!" Cameron screamed.

"Okay. I'm going to say my instructions very carefully. Go. Away. Thanks. Bye." House started to hang up his phone again. "House, wait! That's not the only symptom! His left eye isn't blinking. Now what genius?" Cameron said. House heard Thirteen, Chase, and Foreman in the background.

"Step One: Take me off speaker. Step Two: Put eye drops in his eye. Step Three: Wait for me to arrive." House hung up.

"Detour!" He shouted.


	3. Chapter 3

Dr. Smarty Pants

Chapter Three

"Everyone can breathe again. I'm here. You too, kid." House said, limping into the room with Cuddy by his side. In House's arm was his whiteboard.

He set the whiteboard on the ground. He picked up his marker.

_Symptoms:_

_Ataxia ~ Failure of Muscular Coordination_

_Ophthalmoplegia ~ Paralysis of one or more of the muscles that controls the eye_

_Respiratory Failure ~ Inability to Breathe ya dopes!_

"Any ideas?" House asked his colleagues. "Cerebellar ataxia?" Chase questioned. "No, Ophthalmoplegia isn't a symptom." House explained.

"Infantile onset spinocerebellar ataxia?" Cameron asked. "That would explain a lot of the symptoms…" House said.

"Something in my gut tells me it's not." Cuddy stated.

"Okay everyone. Let's not do any of the tests we need because Cuddy's gut tells us so." House teased. He then turned to Thirteen. "Do the tests…" House told her.

"Yes sir!" She replied, and ran out of the room.

House finally glanced over at the patient. He was sitting wide-eyed, staring at House. "Whaaattttsssss happpppeeeeeeennninnnnn?" He asked in a strange voice.

House ran out into the hall. "Thirteen! Come back!" He yelled. She hurried back.

"Why? I thought you wanted me to test for infantile onset spinocerebellar ataxia?"

"The kid isn't hearing impaired." House said simply.

"Is it a **Mitochondrial Disease?" Foreman wondered.**

**"Let's see." House said, turning to the poor kid. "Kid, I want you to get up and walk around." House said.**

**"NO!" Everyone screeched.**

**"Why not?" House demanded.**

**"Because, House. He's on a breathing tube. He'll probably get out of breath just trying to get off of the bed." Cuddy explained.**

**House rolled his eyes. "The kid will be fine. How else are we supposed to test for Mitochondrial Disease anyways?" House said, helping the kid up.**

**He almost slipped, but House steadied him. Then, he started walking around.**

**"So, we can rule out Mitochondrial Disease." House said.**

**They all stood there for a moment, thinking in silence.**

**All of a sudden, the kid fell down. "Myyyyyyyy LEGGGGGGGG!!!!!" He screeched.**

**"What do you want kid?" House complained. "Stop, House. He's hurt."**

**Cuddy reached into a cabinet and pulled out a reflex hammer. She lightly tapped it on his left leg. It shot forward. She then tested it on his right leg. Nothing happened. She tested it again. Nothing.**

**House picked up his marker and added**

**Areflexia ~ Absence of Reflexes**

**To his list.**

All of a sudden, Wilson walked in.

"What are you doing here Wilson?" House questioned.

"I have decided to go fishing." Wilson said, scanning all of the faces of the doctors in the room.

"Wilson, how many times do we have to go over this? Fishing does not make women think you're hot!" House grumbled. Then, House froze.

"You have that look on your face. You have officially solved the case. Now, you're going to ignore me, so I gotta go. Later everyone." Wilson said, walking out of the room.

"What is it House?" Cuddy asked him.

"Wilson's right. I did solve the case." House said, returning to normal life.

"What is it?" Everyone asked.

"Miller Fisher Syndrome."

Everyone in the room got puzzled looks on their faces.

"Miller Fisher Syndrome," House repeated. "Miller Fisher syndrome is a rare, acute polyneuropathy characterized by ataxia (abnormal muscle coordination), ophthalmoplegia (paralysis of the eye muscles), and areflexia (absence of the reflexes). The disorder is a variant of Guillain-Barre syndrome."

"But how'd he get it? You said yourself that he probably doesn't get out much. I don't think he fishes much either." Chase said, confused.

"He had that cold."

"So, it grew?" Cameron said.

"Sort of. Once we gave him the treatment, (Rhinalar Nasal Mist, Temodar, and Ketorolac Eye Drops) that caused the viral infection, which grew into the Miller Fisher Syndrome."


End file.
